The Chronicles Of Nay

Good afternoon! How is everyone doing? I hope yall are doing well! I am up to 170 geocaches. I am trying really hard to get 200 by the end of the month. I think I can. That is like 3 a day. So this blog is one I have started a few times in the last 6 months. I have a hard time letting people in and that is something I am working on. 

So the past 6 months have been crazy. They have been unreal, confusing and frustrating for all of us. They have been hard for all of us but they have been hard for different reasons.  Some people have had to deal with losing jobs, not getting paid, having to deal with new work situations, having to deal with spouses or kids more than you are used to, some people are not getting to deal with people at all. I have heard from a great deal of my friends that they were not meant to be stay at home parents. There is nothing wrong with that. I don’t doubt that they love their children. It is just not a dynamic that they were prepared for. I know that trying to help their children navigate online learning while they themselves were trying to navigate their jobs at home was very trying on everyone’s nerves. I heard from friends that I know have strong marriages that this has been hard on their marriage. That is a lot of time cooped up together. Some people are spending a lot of time alone. I also know this has all been hard on the mental health of a lot of people. All of these struggles are valid. 

Those of you that know me know that I am a very social person. Just looking back at the semester before all this started I was playing pool two nights a week, I was meeting with some colleagues every other week to write, I played sand volleyball and I was taking a sign language class. That is five days a week that I would get up, go to work then leave work and go do some sort of activity where I could socialize. I was surrounded by people basically from 8 (or 9 depending when I actually got to work) until 7, 8 sometimes 11 pm. What covid did to me was it took away my outlets and my connections to people. A meeting on zoom is not the same as sitting across the table from someone.

I have been struggling with this basically since March. Don’t get me wrong it was ok to spend a few days laying at home watching TV. However, that is not who I am. I need people. I have also really struggled talking to people about my struggle because for one I feel like some of my problems are so little compared to actual problems of the world. But the major reason I don’t talk to people about it is because I was tired of feeling judged. I was tired of being made to feel like my feelings aren’t valid or justified. I am a social person and my work is a very big part of my life! However for the last 6 months I have had no purpose. When I tell people I tend to get “at least you don’t have kids to deal with” or “at least you aren’t having to deal with a spouse”. You don’t understand the only thing I could talk to was my dog, and she usually left the room when I started talking to her. I have taken up geocaching, My photography skills are improving but still none of these things are getting me the people interaction I not only crave but need. 

I am usually a pretty big reader and during the past 6 months I have finished 1 full book and a couple booklets if you will. I came to the conclusion that I usually read to take a break from people and reality. Now I don’t need a break, my whole life is a break! Right now I am not sleeping well at night. I am up until 3 or 4 in the morning, then I sleep until 10. However with nowhere to go I take a 3 or 4 hour nap during the day. So when you take a nap from 4 to 7 there isn’t a need to go to bed at 10. I am aware of how much this looks like depression, but what else do I have to do?

I am looking forward to going back to work in a couple weeks more than I can ever express in words. I know that it is going to be a struggle. I know that online learning is going to be a pain but I am ready for the challenge. I am ready to get up, shower, leave my house and have somewhere I have to go. Put in work and then go home and go to bed. I look forward to a schedule and most importantly… people! 

I know that our students need all of it too. I understand that some teachers are concerned or worried about being in the building with a room full of students. However I keep thinking about if I, an adult who knows a little about mental health, am struggling this much what are our kids struggling with. Mental health isn’t always something that is easy to talk to about. I also know that in some cultures it is even harder to talk about. However just because people aren’t talking about it doesnt mean they aren’t dealing with it. I know that there isn’t an end all be all answer to it until we can get the virus under control. However what we can do is we can stop making people feel like their struggles aren’t valid. We can start having conversations with our students and kids about mental health. And we can be more compassionate when it comes to other people’s feelings. I have spent so much of the last few months holding back my struggles and feelings because I just can’t take another person telling me “at least you don’t have to deal with ________________”. Or someone trying to tell me that my struggles aren’t valid or aren’t as big as someone else’s because I am single. This is why people don’t talk about mental health. 

Reach out to someone today. Not me, but someone. Someone that you usually hear from that you haven’t heard from in a couple weeks. Someone that is in a different situation than you are. Someone that has a houseful of people or is single. We can make it through this but we all need each other!